[Dictation] Modern Family S1 E1 #4-6

- Buddy, why do you keep getting stuck like this?

 

- I thought I could get out this time.

 

- I'm just gonna say it. He needs to be checked by a specialist.

 

- Ow.

 

- There. Be free. Excalibur.

 

- I'm having a friend over today.

 

- Who?

 

- Uh, you don't know him.

 

- Him? Him?

 

- Ooh, a boy. You gonna kiss him?

 

- Shut up.

 

- Easy. Easy.

 

- Yeah, shut up!

 

- No, you shut up!

 

- Luke, Alex, why don't you take it outside, okay?

 

- And do what?

 

- Fight in the sun. It'll be a nice change. I'm kidding.

 

- Haley. Who's the boy?

 

- His name is Dylan. You know, I might as well tell him not to come because you guys are just going to embarrass me again.

 

- Sweetie, hang on a second. You're fifteen and it's the first time that you've had a boy over. I mean, I'm bound to be a little surprised but not gonna embarrass you.

 

- I better go, charge the camcorder.

 

- I'm kidding, come on! Who are you talking to?

 

- I'm the cool dad. That's, that's my thing. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL, laugh out loud, OMG, oh my God, WTF, why the face. Umm, you know, I know all of the dances to High School Musical ...

 

 

 

- Mom! Dad!

 

- What happened?

 

- Luke just shot me!

 

- I didn't mean to.

 

- Are you okay?

 

- No, the little bitch shot me!

 

- Language!

 

- They're only plastic BBs. It was an accident.

 

- What did I tell you would happen if you got him a gun. Deal with this.

 

- Buddy, uncool.

 

- That's it? No, no, no, no, no. The agreement was that if he shoots someone, you, shoot him.

 

- We were serious about that?

 

- Yes, we were. And now you have to follow through.

 

- I'm so sorry.

 

- Liar. Go!

 

- He's got a birthday party.

 

- What's more important here dad?

 

- You can shoot him afterwards. He'll be home at two.

 

- I can't shoot him at two. I'm showing a house at two.

 

- What about three?

 

- No, he's got a soccer game at three, and then, oh we gotta leave for that dinner thing at five. 4:15, you can shoot him at 4:15.

 

- Yeah I guess that works for me.

 

- "Shoot Luke"

 

- Sorry dude. It's on the calendar.

 

- Oh, come on!

 

 

 

 

- I'm quitting soccer. It is a game for children.

 

- No, you're not quitting. You would have stopped that goal if you weren't staring at that little girl.

 

- She is not a girl. She's a woman.

 

- You know Gloria, that little blowup with that other mom, why do you have to do things like that?

 

- If somebody says something about my family, I'm going to ...

 

- I'm just saying, you could, you could take it down here a little bit. That's all.

 

- Oh yeah, cause that's where you live, down here. But I live up here!

 

- You don't have to be so emotional all the time. That's all what I'm saying. Manny, you're with me on this, right?

 

- I wanna tell Brenda Feldman, I love her.

 

- Oh, for God sakes.

 

- Manny, she's sixteen.

 

- Oh it's okay for you to take an older lover?

 

- Hey, watch it.

 

- I wanna go to the mall where she works. But first I need to get my white shirt, the silk one.

 

- Okay, if that's what you really want to do.

 

- Seriously, not to be the evil stepdad, but if you put on a puffy white shirt, and declare your love for a sixteen-year-old, you're gonna be swinging from the flagpole in your puffy white underpants.

 

- Stop the car.

 

- Where're you going?

 

- See? You hurt his feelings.

 

- Ah well, if it toughens him up a little bit then, ... Oh geez, he's picking flowers.

 

- Manny's very passionate, just like his father. My first husband, he's very handsome but too crazy. It seemed like all we did was fight and make love, fight and make love, fight and make love. One time, I'm not kidding you, we fell out the window together.

 

- Which one were you doing? I'm hearing this for the first time.